I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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