Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
