Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Randomize
