Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
