I cut my penus on the lid.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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