whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
