its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
