and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
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