The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
