You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
you didnt know i had herpes?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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