For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
