How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
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