Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
