"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
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