I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
