i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
