This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
