were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I AM VODKA MAN
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize