What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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