But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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