when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
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