All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Randomize