At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i will never coherently bang her
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
