The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
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