bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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