I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
