After last night, I could never be a politician.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
