We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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