i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize