Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
