You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
