If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
