Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize
