he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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