where am i from again
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
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