i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
