I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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