I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
