I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
