rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
