I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
