He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
