Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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