after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
