I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
