i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
