i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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