he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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