I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
