I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
they need to just BURY HIM!
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
