while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
