babies were throwing up all over the place
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
