You're completely useless in the revolution.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
