hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Everclear isn't food dammit
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
