Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
