As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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