Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
