genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
