Princesses don't give blow jobs
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Randomize
