Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
